IMAGINE a child sitting at a table, staring at a single marshmallow. A researcher explains the rules: “You can eat this now or if you wait 15 minutes, you will get two marshmallows instead.”
The child fidgets, looks away and even tries to distract themselves but the temptation is real. Will they give in to the immediate pleasure or hold out for the greater reward?
This, of course, is the famous marshmallow experiment, published in 1970 by Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel.
The study was not just about sweets; it was about self-control. Years later, in separate analyses done in 1989, 1990, 2000 and 2013, researchers found that the children who waited for the second marshmallow tended to have better life outcomes – higher academic achievement, healthier lifestyles and even greater career success.
The lesson? Delayed gratification – the ability to resist immediate rewards for greater long-term benefits – is a skill that pays dividends far beyond childhood.
But let us be honest: in a world of instant noodles, next-day deliveries and endless scrolling, waiting feels almost unnatural and unacceptable. We are hardwired to seek quick fixes and instant results.
Why save when you can spend? Why study when you can binge-watch? Why wait for a home-cooked meal when fast food is just a tap away? The problem is not just about convenience; it is about mindset.
As Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War: “The wise warrior avoids the battle until the victory is certain.”
In other words, success often comes not from rushing into action but from waiting for the right moment, preparing thoroughly and choosing the path that leads to lasting victory.
Delayed gratification is not just about money or career success; it is about life itself.
Think about the relationships we nurture – a strong friendship or marriage is not built in a day but through years of trust, understanding and multiple episodes of ups-and-downs.
The same goes for our health. You may think calories are still calories, wherever it comes from – it can still come back. But you cannot undo years of unhealthy habits with a single workout or diet. Real change takes time, effort and patience.
So, why is it so hard to wait? The answer lies in our brains. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and self-control, often battles with the limbic system, which craves immediate rewards. It is a constant tug-of-war between what we want now and what we know is better for us in the long-run.
However, here is the good news: self-control is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Start small. Maybe it is resisting the urge to check your phone during dinner or saving a portion of your salary instead of splurging on the latest gadget. Each small act of patience strengthens your ability to delay gratification, making it easier to tackle bigger challenges.
Consider the story of Khaled Hosseini, the author of the 2003 novel The Kite Runner, about growing up in Afghanistan. Before his debut novel became a global sensation, Hosseini was a practising doctor with no formal training in writing.
He could have stayed in his comfort zone, focusing solely on his medical career but he did not. Instead, he spent years crafting his story, pouring his heart into a tale that would eventually touch millions of readers worldwide.
The book eventually stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for more than a hundred weeks. His patience and dedication paid off in ways he could never have imagined.
Hosseini’s journey reminds us that delayed gratification is not just about waiting; it is about working towards something meaningful. It is about planting seeds and trusting that, with time and care, they will grow into something extraordinary.
How can we apply this principle to our lives? Start by identifying one area where you can practise patience this week. Maybe it is resisting the urge to interrupt during a conversation and giving yourself time to think before responding. Or perhaps it is setting aside a small amount of money each day for a future goal, like a dream vacation or a new skill you want to learn.
Track your progress. Notice how it feels to resist the immediate urge and focus on the bigger picture. You may find that the act of waiting itself becomes rewarding, a reminder of your ability to choose long-term fulfilment over short-term pleasure.
So, next time you are tempted to take the easy way out, remember the marshmallow experiment. Remember Sun Tzu’s wise warrior and ask yourself: “What is the greater reward I am working towards again?”
Because in the end, life isn’t, and will never be, about how quickly we can grab the marshmallow; it is about how we choose to wait for the second one.
Always.
Dr Nahrizul Adib Kadri is a professor of biomedical engineering and the principal of Ibnu Sina Residential College, Universiti Malaya. Comments: [email protected]
